This particular gentlemen caller goes beyond misleading photos though. I have pasted his profile for your reading enjoyment. I warn you it is lengthy. He is full of himself, pretentious, and pretty much a cranky dude. I like how the last line in his profile recognizes that he's a douche (as well as a few mentions throughout his profile about alienating people). If you know you come across that way, why not adjust appropriately. Ladies, at least you can't say it's false advertising! I've highlighted a few of my favorite parts (notice the age discrepancy) below. I had to look up callipyian - it means "having well-shaped buttocks". Nice. Meet Steve aka Doctor Douche!
miura1968
47 •M• Pasadena, CA
My self-summary
I'm a 48 year old physician with many interests and hobbies outside of medicine. I enjoy my job and find it interesting and challenging, but I'm only too eager to get away from it at times to do the things I truly love. I'm an amateur car collector and I'm constantly tinkering on cars and old Spanish motorcycles, I play piano and harpsichord (so so) and guitar (a bit), cello (bring ear plugs) and I enjoy hiking, cycling, reading and traveling. I'm not much into sports or TV. I grew up on a farm and I really like the country, I have a place up in the mountains ( no, it's not a cabin or a unabomber style shack) where I've been spending practically every weekend away from the city- so I hope you enjoy the country and horses. ( I don't actually have horses, but there are some of the creatures around the neighborhood) I'm not just a white trash gearhead however. I am somewhat cultured: I mostly listen to classical music, play classical piano (rather badly), and have an avid interest in European history and art history, and architecture. I'm much more likely to be at the Hollywood bowl than any sporting event.
I'm looking for an attractive single NON Republican woman who lives in California or maybe the Pacific Northwest, 33-46 years old (no exceptions) who is slim or slender (also no exceptions, unfortunately, that is important to me), callipygian, intelligent, kind and interesting- please respect those basic parameters, I'm not going to make exceptions. Someone who doesn't mind getting their hands dirty, as I always have some sort of project going - house, automotive, garden or otherwise. Also, someone who doesn't have and is open to the idea of not having children... as that's not in the cards for me anymore. I like kittens, puppies, baby goats, lambs, pinacate beetles, and I think Ruby the baby wombat is adorable. Human babies? Not so much. I'm passionate about the environment and the future of the planet, and I think we all have to make sacrifices before we reach the point of no return. I have a healthy scepticism regarding human behavior and intelligence. The planet's climate is rapidly changing for the worse- it should be painfully obvious to anyone with eyes a few neurons upstairs- and yet humans carry on, like demented puppets, fiddling in some absurd play while Rome slowly burns. This is going to end quite badly for humans in the not too distant future. Wake up already!
I've met a lot of nice people online, but as yet no one that sets my heart aflame. I guess my life is pretty good just the way it is and I've come this far alone, so it hardly seems to make sense to settle at this point....but I'm guessing many of you are feeling the same way. Right?
If I read another profile from a"fashionista" or a "yogini" describing her love for shopping, Vegas and reality TV I just may draw a bath and slit my wrists. Surely there are some quality non brain dead people in the area? I'd love to hear from you if you exist.
I don't care if your IQ is 180 and you're amazingly beautiful, if you write to me something like "U know wot U want," I'm going to just assume you're an idiot and ignore you.
What's with all the East Coasters (and New Yorkers in particular) making a point of letting us know where they're from (usually in their first sentence) and proclaiming to have some sort of East coast mentality or personality -as if that elevates them to some sort of royalty class compared to plebeian Californians. They almost seem apologetic that they now live in California, as if it were some momentary indiscretion or that they somehow sold out by moving here. Well, I have news for you.....the last time I was in New York, everyone seemed loud and obnoxious. It's not even an attractive accent. Get over yourselves already!
Also, please keep in mind that some of my snarky sarcastic comment in the questions section are just that: snarky sarcastic comments, mostly tongue in cheek, but containing a kernel of truth. Many are not meant to be interpreted concretely. It's called dry humour to those who don't know.
I'm looking for an attractive single NON Republican woman who lives in California or maybe the Pacific Northwest, 33-46 years old (no exceptions) who is slim or slender (also no exceptions, unfortunately, that is important to me), callipygian, intelligent, kind and interesting- please respect those basic parameters, I'm not going to make exceptions. Someone who doesn't mind getting their hands dirty, as I always have some sort of project going - house, automotive, garden or otherwise. Also, someone who doesn't have and is open to the idea of not having children... as that's not in the cards for me anymore. I like kittens, puppies, baby goats, lambs, pinacate beetles, and I think Ruby the baby wombat is adorable. Human babies? Not so much. I'm passionate about the environment and the future of the planet, and I think we all have to make sacrifices before we reach the point of no return. I have a healthy scepticism regarding human behavior and intelligence. The planet's climate is rapidly changing for the worse- it should be painfully obvious to anyone with eyes a few neurons upstairs- and yet humans carry on, like demented puppets, fiddling in some absurd play while Rome slowly burns. This is going to end quite badly for humans in the not too distant future. Wake up already!
I've met a lot of nice people online, but as yet no one that sets my heart aflame. I guess my life is pretty good just the way it is and I've come this far alone, so it hardly seems to make sense to settle at this point....but I'm guessing many of you are feeling the same way. Right?
If I read another profile from a"fashionista" or a "yogini" describing her love for shopping, Vegas and reality TV I just may draw a bath and slit my wrists. Surely there are some quality non brain dead people in the area? I'd love to hear from you if you exist.
I don't care if your IQ is 180 and you're amazingly beautiful, if you write to me something like "U know wot U want," I'm going to just assume you're an idiot and ignore you.
What's with all the East Coasters (and New Yorkers in particular) making a point of letting us know where they're from (usually in their first sentence) and proclaiming to have some sort of East coast mentality or personality -as if that elevates them to some sort of royalty class compared to plebeian Californians. They almost seem apologetic that they now live in California, as if it were some momentary indiscretion or that they somehow sold out by moving here. Well, I have news for you.....the last time I was in New York, everyone seemed loud and obnoxious. It's not even an attractive accent. Get over yourselves already!
Also, please keep in mind that some of my snarky sarcastic comment in the questions section are just that: snarky sarcastic comments, mostly tongue in cheek, but containing a kernel of truth. Many are not meant to be interpreted concretely. It's called dry humour to those who don't know.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently I'm drifting aimlessly through life, battling chronic mid life existential angst. I'm like an e-ship without a mast, adrift in a turbulent sea of horrific online profiles.
Seriously....
I'm doing what everyone should be doing: trying to live my life the best way I can and make sound choices. I'm quite cynical about humanity but that doesn't stop me from trying to help people on an individual to a global level.
Seriously....
I'm doing what everyone should be doing: trying to live my life the best way I can and make sound choices. I'm quite cynical about humanity but that doesn't stop me from trying to help people on an individual to a global level.
The first things people usually notice about me
My smile. I get so many compliments on my smile it makes me suspect that I'm actually hideously ugly unless I'm smiling. You be the judge.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Mandel: Textbook of Infectious Diseases, Doctor Zhivago, Imogen Heap and/or Frou Frou, or Glenn Gould playing anything by Bach, Italian food...Italian Baroque music: listen to this gem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=L_vrBLedI9E...oh
, and by the way I could never be with any of you because I am in love with Helene Grimaud.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=L_vrBLedI9E...oh
, and by the way I could never be with any of you because I am in love with Helene Grimaud.
The six things I could never do without
Italian cars, Spanish motorcycles, a lot of metric wrenches, my piano, my mom, escaping from LA on weekends.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Uncanny apparition -all it wears,
grotesquely canted on that grinning skull,
is a garland woven out of worms! No spurs,
no whip, and still this ghostly cavalier
urges his apocalyptic nag
onward til her flaring nostrils bleed,
horse and horseman mad in pursuit of Space,
trampling Infinity with reckless hooves!
The rider brandishes a flaming sword
above the nameless hordes he gallops down,
and like a prince inspecting his domain
quarters that unending graveyard where
a bleak white sun exposes, mile on mile,
history's hecatombs, ancient and modern both.
grotesquely canted on that grinning skull,
is a garland woven out of worms! No spurs,
no whip, and still this ghostly cavalier
urges his apocalyptic nag
onward til her flaring nostrils bleed,
horse and horseman mad in pursuit of Space,
trampling Infinity with reckless hooves!
The rider brandishes a flaming sword
above the nameless hordes he gallops down,
and like a prince inspecting his domain
quarters that unending graveyard where
a bleak white sun exposes, mile on mile,
history's hecatombs, ancient and modern both.
On a typical Friday night I am
Escaping from LA- driving to my place in the mountains.
or
Alienating women on OKCupid.
or
Alienating women on OKCupid.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I developed man boobs after I accidentally swallowed a NuvaRing.
I’m looking for
- Straight girls only
- Ages 30–46
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
A.You're overcome with unbearable ennui.
B. You're dying to meet the man who owns the gayest looking harpsichord this side of 1638 .
C. Your profile doesn't contain any of the following words: eclectic, Vegas, Ukraine, practitioner, genre, Meyers-Briggs, actor, fashionista or Jihad.
D. You're a natural redhead, blonde or Australian.
E.. After reading this profile, you don't think I'm a complete douche. That's probably the most important-and rare-criterion.
B. You're dying to meet the man who owns the gayest looking harpsichord this side of 1638 .
C. Your profile doesn't contain any of the following words: eclectic, Vegas, Ukraine, practitioner, genre, Meyers-Briggs, actor, fashionista or Jihad.
D. You're a natural redhead, blonde or Australian.
E.. After reading this profile, you don't think I'm a complete douche. That's probably the most important-and rare-criterion.
Hey....it's Dr. Douche.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog and what can I say..... some of your comments are amusing, but wow.....get a life already! You're evidently still single and your entire existence seems to revolve around mocking prospective online dates. It's pathetic. It's even more pathetic than the people you mock.
You know my first name so we must have emailed, spoken, or perhaps even gone out. Mercifully, I have zero recollection of who you are. Consider that: aside from your snarky wit and sharp tongue.....there's nothing. Zero. You're completely forgettable.