Relationship or Blow Up Doll?

One of the features of many online dating sites in an option to indicate what type of relationship you are looking for - be it casual (i.e. hook ups) or something more (i.e. dating, marriage, etc.). Depending on what you are looking for, this is one of the tools at your disposal to help weed out the many suitors that are out there. 

Then you have guys like this one that sending mixed messages. He does not indicate that he's only looking for a casual situation though he kicks off his profile with sex, Sex, SEX (highlighted for your enjoyment)! He goes on to bring values into the mix and wraps it up with sharing his inner most thoughts and looking for who he is going to spend the rest of his life with. Huh? Is this some sort of reverse mullet? Party in the front, business in the back....or something....

He says and I quote "Ladies at this age if you haven't figured out that all men want sex and that we are visual creatures I don't think we will be a good match." Duh. Tell us something new. He goes on to comment that if you spend a lot of time with your girlfriends that just is not a match for him. Are you expecting a 50's housewife to have dinner on the table for you while wearing lingerie?

So let me see if I have got this straight, he is looking for the following:

• Nymphomaniac
• Hates Donald Trump
• Has minimal life of her own
• Likes to travel
• Insecure
• Does not mind Random Capitalization of Words

Oh and he did not post a photo. Now I spend way too much time with my girlfriends for this guy but if that is not an issue for you, please meet:

bigshoulders2016
41 - Woodland Hills, CA

My self-summary
I want depth, passion, enhancement , a travel buddy and great sex.
Having a woman's attention is a big turn on, being the guy that brings a smile to her face when speaking to her friends about him is a turn on, a random naughty text is a turn on.
Just because I like sex doesn't mean I will have sex with just any woman, I am very selective and very patient, not expecting to jump right in bed I'd like to get a mental connection established before we reach the physical.
Ladies at this age if you haven't figured out that all men want sex and that we are visual creatures I don't think we will be a good match.
I can't see who likes me so instead of pressing like go ahead and send me a message please.

What I’m doing with my life
If we can't have an intelligent conversation together, belly laugh together and break bread together we will never make it into the bed together.
If you have an idealistic view about what being in love should be you are not the woman for me.
If you support Donald Trump you are not the woman for me.
If you are a homophobe you are not the woman for me.
If you are seeking instant gratification you are not the woman for me.
If you are always out with your girlfriends you are not the woman for me.

I’m really good at
Exploring sexuality
Thinking outside the box
Being a Handy Man
Expressing myself
Critical Thinking
Kissing
Understanding

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Nina Simon
Prince
Little Dragon
Shawshank Redemption
Breaking Bad
Narcos
Jay Z
Shark Tank

The six things I could never do without
The Touch of a Woman
NPR
Common Sense
Books
Fine Dining
Traveling

I spend a lot of time thinking about
The woman I am gonna spend the rest of my life with.

On a typical Friday night I am
Watching NetFlick

You should message me if
You are looking for someone to share your inner thoughts with.

Fake Profiles, Volume 2

It's been awhile since we looked at my ongoing collection of fake profiles. Here are some excelent email specimens. Typos and grammatical errors are all real. I wonder if these guys actually live where they say they do! Do you think they might try to get me to send them money? Apparently 53 is the "magic" age for these types of profiles. Thankfully they so kindly included contact information should you wish to reach out for your own enjoyment! I highlighted them in orange for your convenience and highlighted my favorite passages from each in blue.

Miclinson

53 | West Los Angeles, California

Your profile caught my attention and couldn't help by dropping you a quick message,I'm looking to meet someone for friendship and something more. I’d like to take time getting to know you,see where that leads us to. I love being active and outdoors..I'm seriously searching for that special someone ,One who is confident enough to speak to a man and can carry an intelligent conversation.Would be more appropriate getting intouch via our personal e-mails to get to know each other ,if possible get to share one another's pictures.You can write me using the id in the bracket and hope you can get that figured out... (croft.white at gmail dot com..Looking forward to hear from you again..

From: Musah

30 | Antioch, Illinois

Hello Pretty How are you doing today my name is musah and i am here looking for a Honest woman to be with her and spend the rest of my life with her a woman that will never let me down and i Promise her to i will never do something that will break her heart this is my email address respectman750@yahoo.com

Hotjames8930

56 | Pacific Beach, Washington

You've really sparked my interest so lets discover the possibilities together. Basicall, but also a natural leader.I could not resist writing to you. You seem nice, intelligent, & attractive, quite a combination.I feel your existence as similar to my own, with many ideals & interests in common, I would like to get acquainted.I am a kind hearted but strong willed man who loves to treat a woman the way she should be. Well am on here looking for Happiness in Long-Term from this life,how about you?Was glad after reading your profile,I know I'm not everyone's match from here,But you can please do read over my profile & let me know if you do like to communicate to an intelligent man with a great sense of humor,Just don't hesitate to write back. I know it is difficult, nearly impossible, to discern that elusive looks from profiles & emails.... linejames46@yahoo.com and you can text (424) 254-9695.Hope to hear from you soon james

George (Note the different name in the body of the email!)

53 | La Jolla Shores, California

How are you Doing.Well My name is Michael, Age is not a problem to me neither distance.Am a kind of man that would relocate anywhere for the right woman.am new to the online dating scene just have to let you know that it took me about an hour after i saw your profile before i could write you this piece of note that you look damn so calm and cool that makes me wonder if you could ever hurt an ant nevertheless the feelings of human being.Please does the cool and calmness on your pretty face actually lives in you?If yes,I think you might just be that pretty i have long be seeking all my life to get to know more than a friend.location will never be the barrier if your heart is willing to give me a chance.I want to believe that asking your hands in friendship will

make you to be the happiest woman in this part of generation and who knows even in some generations to come.just give me a chance to move a mountain and i will prove to you that I am simply man of my own words.here is my personal email if you want to write me back michaelhart28 at y a h () ().com and i am on Yahoo Messenger on michaelhart28 and here is also my cell number you can send me a text on 2, one, four, 8, six, five, 8 six 3 zero. which ever way that is convenient for you . I look forward to your heartwarming response.I am impatiently waiting to hear from you. michaelhart28 at y a h ()(). c o m.