Too crazy to be real OR SO crazy it MUST be real?

I just don't know where to start with this one. I usually highlight a few key parts I don't want you to miss but there are just too many on this particular profile. It would ALL be highlighted! He started out with a relatively nice yet generic message (see below) and then there is the big can of crazy that is his profile. Seriously, so crazy I can't imagine this is a real person but then again who would write this up in a fake profile?! His photos had him in a suit at an office which was very confusing due to his excessive typos. I guess it doesn't matter if it's real or fake - it's worth a read! Do you like guys that are good at "county cards" and knows "Fairy Princess Cotton Candy"? Then you should get to know the guy below!

***

Hello there, I would like very much to chat with you today; because I enjoyed your profile! You look so attractive on your main picture with that welcoming smile and your stunning eyes, wow! How are you?

cuteagapito

44 • M • Montebello, CA

My self-summary

Good news! Good news!!

I finished my latest personal development training program with fairy princess cotton candy. She has certified as the most desirable bachelor in all of the fairy realms.
This is what she had to say about me:
"This exquisite gentleman is the real McCoy. He is a very smart, very creative, and highly intuitive. While he claims he can't read people's minds, i am sure that that is his secret weapon. The first time he entered my training room, I was feeling flustered and just being a disgusting fairy princess. So, he saw me and immediately told me to follow him. We drove to King Taco and I had the best ever carne asada burrito in the history of my fairy kingdom. So, you see, this wonderful man here didn't know what I wanted but saw, he read in my aura, what I needed and took care of me.
That's a fragment of a long and boring recommendation letter given to me by fairy princess cotton candy after I completed her course.

What I’m doing with my life

Perfecting my aura reading skills. Is not what you weite on your profile abourmt you; it's what your very own energy broadcasts to rhe world.

I’m really good at

County cards

You should message me if

If you are interested on a serious ad hoc relationship.

Open to communicate via text. I will ask you to text me after we exchange 2 emails here.

If you're mature enough to not be offended if I ask you out to meet after we text for one or two days, or because i selected casual sex.

If you don't have tattoos on your chest or boobs.

If you're not wearing stupid mickey mouse ears on you picture, or you're not posing with retarded Disney characters. Yes, dianey is the beginning of the evil empire.

Shirtless selfies and the guys that take them....

These is an epidemic out there in the online dating world - shirtless selfies. It's about time to address this problem with an open letter to the men out there that are taking/might take these selfies.

Dear Guys,

Exercise is important to maintain good health and I'm pleased to see you taking it seriously. Not everyone can acquire a six pack even with a dedicated exercise/weight loss plan. That being said, I don't know that you realize what ladies think when you post shirtless mirror selfies on your dating profile. Here are a few:

1. He is a douche bag.
2. He is vain.
3. He is a meat head that spends all of his time at the gym.
4. He is overly concerned about appearances (and I may not stack up).
5. He is only looking to hook up. (If that's the case, more power to you but just make that clear in your profile.)
6. He has an ugly face (this is particularly for the headless, shirtless selfies).

Probably not what you are going for is it? Ladies will be thrilled to discover that you have a great physique and if you want to make it apparent in your photos there are more subtle ways to do it. For example, I went out with a guy that participated in these crazy exercise related competitions where you would do things like pull a massive monster truck style tire. In his photo he was wearing a form fitting workout shirt and pulling said tire. You couldn't see any of his actual chest but you could tell he was very much in shape. In a similar fashion, you can post photos of yourself wearing regular clothes that make it clear that you have an athletic build. Yes, we like to see that you are in shape but we like a little mystery too!

To sum up, show some class and don't be the guy with the shirtless selfies!

Gretchen


Today's post was inspired by the guy below. Not only is he a charmer (as indicated by his email below) but EVERY SINGLE photo was a shirtless selfie. Yuck and double yuck.

lifttron

25 • M • Irvine, CA

Hello there, I find you really pretty and beautiful. I would like to apologize for being blunt in advance but I wish I could have a full on makeout session with you right now 

Interested in an open relationship?

While I have some great material just waiting to share, this guy was just screaming to be next in line. He had some "disclaimer" at the bottom of his profile so I won't disclose his screen name. Read the email and his profile - is it just me or is he really just trying to butter someone up to get in a threesome with he and his wife? How are you both in an open relationship with your wife and also looking for a long term relationship? Different strokes for different folks but there is nothing about my profile that says I would be game for creating our own version of Big Love. Enjoy and meet Greg who really wants to be my FRIEND (or at least that's what he keeps saying...).

First the email...

So much to say I don't know where to start...Hope you are having a nice week so far.
Let me start by saying that you have some nice pictures. Great smile, nice complexion = head turner. That's why I clicked on your profile. You're not only attractive, but you have the brains, beauty and fit. You look great at XX. You look years younger. Just gorgeous. You rock those dresses. WOW!!! I like your profile because of your positive outlook on life and your sense of adventure. I'm also impressed with your advance degree. I think smarts are such a turn on. I'd love to hear more about your travels or road trips as well. I went to China/ Beijing years ago. I'm sure you are a very nice person so I'd like to get to know you better. If you want to be friends, please introduce yourself. I'm very sincere about looking for a LTR and just one special woman. Just to let you know, I'm a newbie and I have an open marriage, but that's a whole different story. Please don't judge and if you don't feel the connection, I wish you the best in your search. Other than that, I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks and have a nice day. Feel free to ask anything you want to know.

Greg

P.S. I'd be honored to have such a wonderful friend like you. You got me sold on your profile!!!

And now the profile (and yes, I removed my own age from the above message for my own privacy)...

50 • M • Monterey Park, CA 

My self-summary

Being outgoing, I'm going to seek a new friend and make this a more exciting and memorable year. I'll try anything at least once as long as it's safe. So I'm at a point where I would like to expand my horizons and I'd love to find a special friend to share it all.

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I want to take the time to court a woman. Learn all that I can to please her and make her happy. Holding hand, giving hugs and smiles, cuddling and just being there for her needs. I want to be there for her if she is sick, bring her flowers or care packages. I'll be there for the ups and downs in any relationship. Good or bad, I'm in it for the long run. a friend for life.

There are so many things that I would love to share
You will find me to be very straightforward to any reply or questions you may have. What you see is what you get. If I say I will do or be somewhere, you can count on me to following through. My word is my bond.

I'm easy going and easy to please, fit and healthy, active, non smoker of any kind, D/D free and well educated. I'm looking forfriends first with potential for a LTR. As much as I love sex, you won't find me jumping into bed real quick. I truly believe that you're a better lover if you really know the person. So I want to get to know you to please you. I'm open to any age and race. A lot has to do with the chemistry, mental and physical attraction. I really want to spend quality time getting to know you, spending time seeing the sights of LA, sharing quiet nights and fun adventurous days together. I love a good joke and having a sense of humor is important to me.

When I'm not working, I like to do home improvement projects, camping, see museums and visiting parks. In the summer time, I volunteer at the Hollywood Bowl. I'd like to get back into bikingand racquetball ( it's getting harder to find courts though) andarchery.

I have anopen marriage and my wife is very understanding and flexible with this arrangement and I hope you are too. So I hope to hear from you. We are open to various relationship from friends to friends with benefits or more. So let's start off as friends and go from there.

I am outgoing, straightforward, and dependable

What I’m doing with my life

I'm trying to make the most of my life by setting goal. Life is short and there is so much I'd like to see and do. By better time management and maximizing the resources that I have, I'm looking to live my life to the fullest potential. I'm also keeping an open mind to learn something everyday for every situation, because learning never stops.

I’m really good at

Being a loyal friend, stretching a dollar in this economy, being dedicated (to friends and job), fixing thing around the house or car, recycling, crunching numbers, packing things away neatly to make it fit, and not getting lost, procrastinating, but getting the job done.

The first things people usually notice about me

I haven't really asked too many people what they notice about me. But if I had to say something, it'd be that I always have asmile on. I have a positive attitude.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

I haven't had the luxury to read very much. But the books that I do have is mostly home improvement/ DIY and trade books. I'm open to most movies and music. I like every thing fromdocumentaries and even romance movies to cuddle up. I like to try different ethic foods. I'm always up to trying new foods

The six things I could never do without

1. Family and Friends
2. My Health
3. Freedom / Time to do the things that I like
4. Money (not to sound materialistic, but to be financial secure)
5. Love and sex
6. Having a partner to share my life with,

Now for the other six
1. My Car
2. Computer and Internet
3. A good Book
4. A garage
5. Home Depot
6. the weekend

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I think about how to improve myself and how to better my life for my loved ones. Where I'll be in 5, 10 years, hopefully planning on retiring to do more traveling and exploring

On a typical Friday night I am

When school is in session for my kids, I'm active with scouting and other school functions. During summer, it's more movies, out for dinner, the occasional road trip or just staying in

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Aside from the fact that I have an open marriage and my wife is open to many possibilities as well. I'll have no secrets once we're friends and you get to know me/us better. So let's get to know each other:)

I’m looking for

• Girls who like guys
• Ages 40–65
• Near me
• For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

You should message me if

You are open minded and adventurous.
You would like to walk along the seashore under the stars
You want to go camping or stargazing
Or see musicals or movie matinees
You like kissing and cuddling on rainy nights
You like picnics in the park and museums
You into biking or running
You like staying home and watching a movie or cooking together
You like going on cruises or hiking
You don't mind road trips to the desert or mountains
You will let me give you foot or back rubs.
What matter most is that we develop a friendship first and we can then pursue more later.

Is this guy an ESL drop out?

We all have a lot of special gifts and unfortunately the ability to learn new languages quickly is not one of mine. So I do have some empathy for the gentleman below however there are so many things wrong with his profile beyond his grasp of the English language that I couldn't pass up sharing this hot mess. I've started the post below with the "insightful" message he sent to me. Do you think he was trying to say "Hi Hon"? Listen up guys, even if English is your first language we generally don't respond to messages like that. Show that you read our profile and comment on something, ANYTHING! Enough of that - now it's time to meet...


nolucho - 36, Los AngelesMessage - Hi, huz

My self-summary

IMPORTANT NOTE:

I BEEN SPEAKING ENGLISH PER 5 YEARS, IF YOU SEE SOME SPELLING MISTAKES, BE THOUGFULL, IM NOT IGNORANT, IM A VERY EDUCATED PERSON, IS THAT HAVE ONLY JUST 5 YEARS WITH A LENGUISH MAKE DIFICULT TO BE PERFECT IN SPELLING, COULD YOU? ANYWAY IM TRYING MY BEST ;)
Very simple....the true? Just looking for a new friend, that her sensuality, smarth actions and good heart push me to the limits and one day make impossible for me to keep my hands out of her ;) , and with this I don't mean casual sexual encounters or open relationship! Just the real deal, I have it before, so I can't be happy with less than that!
Who we are with out real connections?
How could you love someone beyond sex if is not your friend, real friend!!!

I love outdoor activities and art. ;)

What I’m doing with my life

Well ladies... I love traveling, extreme sports ( I'm a adrenaline junkie), I don't take my self too serious, not sentive but have feeling , loooove a good laugh and have fun.
I'm a grow man, with a real job and career, responsible. I do social work and love give a good example. Even though break some rules in a smart way is fun ;)

I work in postproduction
Surfing
Snowboarding
Educating my ugly dog "josecito"
Learning
Helping

I’m really good at

you wanna go left or right?!,.......right?!, ........... you wanna go left or right!!,........right???........ babe!!!! left or right?????!!!!............ .... ... LEEEFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! ....... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!....... (horn honk) ........ (tires screeching)..... CHRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ..........................

FOUR MONTHS AFTER

........... .... .... baby, ... left or right??????, ......... .......................... .................................................................................................................... T_T .............really????...... ....... are you....... are you serious??????............do you really wanna do this again???!

The first things people usually notice about me

My strong accent.. perhaps....my English is not good,.... but my British acent is even better.......:)

Update:
I have a good English, is my grammar what's kill me.. I been told lately, that I use big and complicated words, big vocabulary, but I speak like a very educated "Yoda" (star wars)
"If talk with me you want< a good girl you most be" ;)

I have pics with and with out beard, I look very different with and with out.. so no surprises

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

technology books im a vfx and cgi supervisor and technology go fast, i use to be a professional dancer until 3 years ago so i love musical theater, i know odd, love when harry meet sally, loooove music... , i love sushi but cook sushi(. i know i know.. fake sushi consumer)

The six things I could never do without

Snowboard with out helmet.
ink my self with out a mean.
jump from the plane with out parachute.
books
Talk with my family, I have a big one!
my friends
My ugly dog...

....

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Food!! I love food..
Why hod dogs come in packs of 10 and the bread on packs of 8?!
What is my dog doing when I'm not in home, I been want put a camera in home when I'm not there, I been resisting accomplish this idea, just because I don't want see things moving alone and discover that my house could be paranormal activitie 5!!!!!..

On a typical Friday night I am

out with friends,
reading with wine
Playing music after a long work week.
love movies in the bed chilling with my dog
............ Josecito..........

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I use baby pacifier till I was 6 or 7!!!! And i loveeeeee it, my mom use to take it from me and my sister give them back to me :)!! I love my sisters!

I’m looking for

• Girls who like guys
• Ages 27–38
• Near me
• For new friends

You should message me if

Brain is my mayor aphrodisiac!!!
If you are smarter than me or challenge my brain, my body and heart will be your!
You would like meet new people
Want have fun and discover the world, or just LA :)
how i said... simple

If you know what codependency mean ;)