Fake Profiles, Volume 2

It's been awhile since we looked at my ongoing collection of fake profiles. Here are some excelent email specimens. Typos and grammatical errors are all real. I wonder if these guys actually live where they say they do! Do you think they might try to get me to send them money? Apparently 53 is the "magic" age for these types of profiles. Thankfully they so kindly included contact information should you wish to reach out for your own enjoyment! I highlighted them in orange for your convenience and highlighted my favorite passages from each in blue.

Miclinson

53 | West Los Angeles, California

Your profile caught my attention and couldn't help by dropping you a quick message,I'm looking to meet someone for friendship and something more. I’d like to take time getting to know you,see where that leads us to. I love being active and outdoors..I'm seriously searching for that special someone ,One who is confident enough to speak to a man and can carry an intelligent conversation.Would be more appropriate getting intouch via our personal e-mails to get to know each other ,if possible get to share one another's pictures.You can write me using the id in the bracket and hope you can get that figured out... (croft.white at gmail dot com..Looking forward to hear from you again..

From: Musah

30 | Antioch, Illinois

Hello Pretty How are you doing today my name is musah and i am here looking for a Honest woman to be with her and spend the rest of my life with her a woman that will never let me down and i Promise her to i will never do something that will break her heart this is my email address respectman750@yahoo.com

Hotjames8930

56 | Pacific Beach, Washington

You've really sparked my interest so lets discover the possibilities together. Basicall, but also a natural leader.I could not resist writing to you. You seem nice, intelligent, & attractive, quite a combination.I feel your existence as similar to my own, with many ideals & interests in common, I would like to get acquainted.I am a kind hearted but strong willed man who loves to treat a woman the way she should be. Well am on here looking for Happiness in Long-Term from this life,how about you?Was glad after reading your profile,I know I'm not everyone's match from here,But you can please do read over my profile & let me know if you do like to communicate to an intelligent man with a great sense of humor,Just don't hesitate to write back. I know it is difficult, nearly impossible, to discern that elusive looks from profiles & emails.... linejames46@yahoo.com and you can text (424) 254-9695.Hope to hear from you soon james

George (Note the different name in the body of the email!)

53 | La Jolla Shores, California

How are you Doing.Well My name is Michael, Age is not a problem to me neither distance.Am a kind of man that would relocate anywhere for the right woman.am new to the online dating scene just have to let you know that it took me about an hour after i saw your profile before i could write you this piece of note that you look damn so calm and cool that makes me wonder if you could ever hurt an ant nevertheless the feelings of human being.Please does the cool and calmness on your pretty face actually lives in you?If yes,I think you might just be that pretty i have long be seeking all my life to get to know more than a friend.location will never be the barrier if your heart is willing to give me a chance.I want to believe that asking your hands in friendship will

make you to be the happiest woman in this part of generation and who knows even in some generations to come.just give me a chance to move a mountain and i will prove to you that I am simply man of my own words.here is my personal email if you want to write me back michaelhart28 at y a h () ().com and i am on Yahoo Messenger on michaelhart28 and here is also my cell number you can send me a text on 2, one, four, 8, six, five, 8 six 3 zero. which ever way that is convenient for you . I look forward to your heartwarming response.I am impatiently waiting to hear from you. michaelhart28 at y a h ()(). c o m.

Looking for Mrs. Robinson

I seem to get a fair amount of emails from guys in their 20's - even more in the past few years than when I was actually closer to their age. As you can see they very much keep it classy and have excellent grammar.

__c4ryan - 25

hey hows it going? what are you up to today? would you want to cuddle and make out for a bit right now?

Basketlol - 19

Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling​

Iamthetallman - 20

Hello how are you doing? might I say you are insanely gorgeous! (just had to be said) i hope you dont think its weird for me to be messaging you?

Then you get a gem like this one. He hits all of my favorite message points:

1. The grammar and spelling are awful.

2. The realness of this person and/or local location is very questionable. 

3. If he is real, he is obviously looking for sex in the most RESPECTFUL way possible. 

Sorry boys, I won't be your Mrs. Robinson. 

User name unknown – 18 (details didn’t appear to save)

Hi how are you? :-)

My name is Cristian, and without being disrespectful I would like to as if you would consider dating or be intimate with someone younger than you? Don't get me wrong idea for my question, please forgive me, I didnt mean to offend, this.

I also know what I'm asking for, and I'm being serious, and respectful about it, I'm not trying to play games, because that is not the way I'm, but yes I would like to do this, and I'm willing to show you that I'm worth the time, and that age is just a number when it come to real connection, and chemistry.

I really would like to have an opportunity like this, and I will be willing to do and please you in any way, and in whatver you like and want. If there is a connection why not right? ;-)

And don't worry you are not talking with a kid anymore, I will always be respectful about this, I just want the chance to share some time, get to know see if there is chemistry, and if we do, have fun, see what happen, and enjoy of the moment.

Christmas is coming early this year....

Sometimes these posts just write themselves. Several dating sites give the option of "casual sex" as one of the relationship type options. I don't know why this guy didn't select that exclusively. I wish I could show you the photos. A semi-professional shoot with him in a Santa hat, no shirt, and a riding crop. For real.

If you're hoping Santa fills your stocking with gifts from the Pleasure Chest, I'd like to introduce you to...

Black_SantaClaus - 34

My self-summary

Black Santa here looking for casual or consistent sex only.

Adventurous, happy & highly imaginative women only!

If you come to Santa's lair for the first time or 50th, I will accommodate, spoil & make sure you feel comfortable before I f&$k the shit out of you! :-)

I'm a true giver by nature. In other words, I treat my lover good and make sure they're taken care of in and outside of the bedroom if I enjoy having sex with them on the regular.

Sexual exploration with someone excites me more than a full blown relationship does at the moment. But hey, I keep an open mind in every situation. Now we could do a Dom / Sub relationship! That works! ;)

What I’m doing with my life

Bringing you adventure, so please be fun and not uptight! Unlike white Santa, I'm in shape and I'm only coming in through the chimney if we're role playing. My bag is full of gifts just like his, but they are not toys for kids.

I’m really good at

Being imaginative.
DEEP intellectual conversation.
Giving & taking orders!
(Surprisingly) Getting along with Feminist.
Dancing!

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

50 Shades of BLACK!!!!.

"I have no sympathy for those afraid of mystery. Come get with me I promise passion and ecstasy!" - 2pac

The six things I could never do without

-Flavored edible body oil.
-Water or coconut water to rehydrate us after marathon sex.
-Vibrating condom for when I'm too tired but you still need to be pleased.
-Blindfold
You bring the other 2 things.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

The art of the female figure.
How people can find love or fulfillment through sex instead of dating.
The excitement of being someones mistress or source of stress relief.
Solar panels

On a typical Friday night I am

Really? If we're not shagging by the fireplace on a bear skin rug, then we're out dancing.

You should message me if

You're bored with typical dating, looking for adventure, need stress relief, a fellow giver and attractive!

Successful career women, college girls who need sexual or life mentoring, dancers, sexually frustrated single mom's or plain Jane on the outside types but wild at heart to the front of the line.

Women taller than me are a welcomed treat but not a requirement!

The time I was matched with John Sears....

For the past several months I've slowly been re-watching the original Beverly Hills 90210. The funny thing is that throughout my viewing I keep have these little coincidences that tie the show in with my real life. Some are personal overlaps and some are simply just random aspects of the story that have been popping up in conjunction with the episode I am watching/just watched. For example, right after I finished the episode where at a drag race, they caught the guy that ran Andrea over in a previous episode - then there was a news story about drag racing.

I have to say that most of these coincidences have been amusing though some are a little too trippy. That's what brings us to today's post. Currently I'm watching Season 4 where the BH9 gang are college freshmen at good ole California University (Go Condors!). During this season a former West Beverly student and current KEG brother, John Sears, stirs up trouble for the gang. Whether he is trying to court (i.e. sleep with) Kelly or get Steve kicked out of the KEG house, John Sears is an all around douche bag.

As I have watched the series I have pondered the age old question "Am I a Brenda or am I a Kelly?". Of course we are all a little bit of each but starting last season I have been more on Team Kelly. So to perfectly tie into the current (on my DVD player) turmoil that Kelly is facing deciding if she should or should not get involved with John Sears, guess who one of my online dating sites matched me with?

THE ACTOR THAT PLAYED JOHN SEARS.

I cannot make this stuff up. If you don't know him from BH9 then you may also know him from One Tree Hill. When I told a few people about this the immediate response I got was "You should absolutely go out with him!" Hold your horses there friends. There are a number of reasons why that's unlikely to happen.

1. There is at least a 50% chance this is a fake profile. I've seen it before where the scammers use photos of lesser known celebrities in profiles. Usually they try to pass them off as regular people not actual actors though. Plus the age is off and while he might be lying on purpose it is still suspicious.

2. He probably doesn't even check this account. Unfortunately this site pulls profiles over from their sister site (material for a future post on the negatives of this site) and a lot of times they aren't even active members.

3. Probably most importantly I would feel weird about writing to him based on the strange BH9 stuff that has been going on.

Now if he wrote me....John Sears is pretty cute.....:)

Obviously I didn't include his real name but it is not difficult to look him up. Just didn't want to have this show up on HIS Google Alert!

Enjoy his profile below and let me know if YOU would go out with John Sears (or Dan Scott for you One Tree Hill fans).

meet (name removed for privacy)

he's a new match

West Hollywood, CA | 45
active within 24 hours

I've lived all over the world. I love traveling. I'm athletic and hard working and I'm dedicated to my belief in substance over style.

in his own words

How can I describe an ideal match for myself when I believe things and people evolve if they're curious and motivated. For me, I love my son, my work, a good workout or hike, nice wine, good conversation, adventure.... These days are complicated for people when we are constantly distracted by ads, technology, entertainment. these things are great for work or relaxing but they confuse the way we interact. I love waking up early, drinking coffee and planning my day. My friends describe me as passionate, loyal, informed, generous and hard working. I don't know if people just fit together liking missing puzzle pieces but I think if there is a spark passion can ignite and friendship can occur.

what he looks like:

• Hair color :
  • Dark brown
• Eye color :
  • Hazel
• Height :
  • 6'3"
• Body type :
  • Athletic/toned
• Ethnic background :
  • White/Caucasian
• Age:45

who he is:

• Living situation :
  • Live with kids
• Has children :
  • Yes
• Wants children :
  • Yes
• Relationship history :
  • Divorced
• Education :
  • Bachelors degree
• profession/occupation :
  • Artistic / Creative / Performance
• Income :
  • (removed for privacy)
• Religious affiliation :
  • Spiritual but not religious
• Political outlook :
  • Nonpartisan
• Smokes :
  • Not at all
• Drinks :
  • A few times a week

what he's looking for:

You match

• Age Range :match
  • 22 - 44
• Ethnic background :match
  • Any
• Height :match
  • 3'0" to 7'11"
• Body type :match
  • Slender
  • Athletic/toned
• smokes :
  • A few times a week
• drinks :match
  • Any
• education :match
  • Any
• Religious affiliation :match
  • Any
• relationship history :match
  • Any
• has children :match
  • Any
• wants children :match
  • Any