Wanted: Sugar Momma Willing To Give Up Life To Be Seaworthy Sex Toy

This is an oldie but a goodie that I found when cleaning out my emails. I had sent this to my girlfriends prior to starting this blog and am glad I did. You can tell this guy thinks he is SO CLEVER. Except instead of coming off clever he sounds like a narcissistic, control freak weirdo. The link to his profile is no longer active which is too bad because I'm sure he would have some new crazy for us to enjoy. A life at sea with this guy would probably end badly...for him.



You should message me if:

-If you're educated, fit, attractive, and financially independent.
-If you happen to be a climber who can lead 5.10a trad, I might consider becoming your sugar daddy:) This even applies if you're an Avatar fan.-Also would consider 'LA 10s' with low self esteem that wait tables and 'act' in brain dead short films. Wait...actually don't contact me.

Other notes:-You must be STD free and that includes Type I herp. I don't care if 1 in 3 of the population have it and got it from 'kissing their mom' as a kid. I don't have it and don't want it on my lip or penis. PLEASE HAVE AN UPDATED COPY OF YOUR COMPLETE STD TEST with in the last 30 days or earlier depending on how many partners you have had. We will not have any sort of contact until we show each other full bacterial and viral test results. Thank you.

-Despite my very strong male inclinations, I don't respond to messages for casual sex; this includes, but is not limited to, invites involving your lifestyle friends and their white trash bash get togethers.

-In about 8-10 yrs, I'm planning on sailing around the world for a few years. You must be comfortable in small spaces, mentally detached from useless stuff, able to embrace managed risk, have a natural affinity for exploration, dislike cars, hate phones, be comfortable during long periods of silence, find pleasure in staring at vast stretches of openness, not get too stressed when things get stressful, and of course enjoy hot daily love making sessions despite a slight decrease in hygiene and the taste of salt.

Would you like to be his "portal to happiness?"

I really don't have too much to say about this one other than the fact that I had to use restraint when highlighting my favorite parts. Obviously English is not Emad's first language though weirdness might be! If you're like me and complain that all guys like to do these days is text message, then I'd like you to meet Emad! He would like to meet you in "the light of day in a public place". 


Meet Emad
Long Beach, CA | 52

I'm looking forward to meet with a lady who I can start to have a "committed long term" relationship- companionship. 

I'm a college graduate and am working as a professional. I'm drugs and dramas free, with no strings attached nor any hidden agendas. 

I'm a loyal friend and a fun person to be with, whom also has lots of sense of humor and makes you laugh, since, I don't take life too seriously. I’ve been told that am extremely honest and genuinely kind hearted. I've been always a "one woman's man"; likewise, truly know what I really want in a partner and am well decided.

Ultimately, I'm NOT here just to have fun as an internet freak; therefore, would NOT consider nor have time to become someone's text or email buddy.

You and I, are both here for the same reasons; therefore, I am certain that "I'll be someone's portal to happiness", as long as you are serious and are willing to take chances with me.

As an Average Man, would like to be encountered with a lady, who is competitive with me in her life style, as well as, her sexual needs and desires.

Above all, I am looking for a "honest human being", she should not be a model but be physically attractive (fit, slim with some little cushion here and there if that is called curvy) since, I am an admirer of beauty. 

I prefer her to be educated, and possibly with "no child", since I'm educated and have no child.
I like her to be trustworthy, loyal, family oriented, sociable, open-minded and Independent, but not too liberal.Have a "stable mind and be emotionally healthy", and knows what she really wants.
Ladies, please accept my apologies and appreciate me for being honest and straight forward, and DO NOT get me wrong for an arrogant, since the whole point to all this is to enjoy each other's company; therefore, if you are the one and are interested then do not hesitate to start communicating with me in English, Spanish, Farsi or love language.

Good luck to all seekers of love and companion.

AND an email from Emad...

Hello Pretty Lady;

I am interested to get to know you further for friendship , relationship and companionship, and NOT for one night stand; however, I appreciate if you could kindly consider to meet with me in the light of the day and in a public place , over maybe a coffee or a drink, to see if there is any chemistry between us and we feel each other, and hopefully if so, then we can make new arrangements for our future encounters...does this simple request make sense to you? Thank you. 

Best Regards, Emad